Stop Caring About The People Who Don’t Care About You

A few weeks ago I relapsed and I gambled.

For those who don’t know I have a gambling problem and I made the grave mistake of going to a casino, withdrawing three hundred dollars from the ATM, and blowing it away on poker.

Old habits die hard.

I have this belief that though bad things happen to me all time (car getting stolen, car accidents, getting fired, and the list continues)… the consequences that take place, due to gambling, is a pain that can lead to a word I cannot describe.

How do I put it? Hmmm

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A Video About Her

This post is in relation to this video:

Due to some situations. The video was deleted.

You can view the update video here:

Maroon 5’s iconic album, Songs About Jane, has over 10 songs that focus on Adam Levine’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend, Jane.

The songs on the albums are classic and the reason why it spoke to so many is that Adam Levine was unafraid and unapologetically authentic to turn his heartache into art. This may not be the best example to why I made a video about my ex-girlfriend, but it’s something I felt I had to do at moment.

I understand the breakup happened so many years ago, November 8th, 2015 to be exact. Therefore, the questions you could have on your mind is… why did you make the video now? Have you moved on?

Here are my answers…

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A Hot Date

I was recently asked to tell an embarrassing story.
This is the story –

Two years ago, the girlfriend at the time and I decided to have a home-cooked meal for our “date night.” We planned it all. We were going to make homemade Vietnamese pho and simply catch up on the lives we were leading.

Couple things. Couple goals. Relationship goals.
All those hashtags.

By the way, this wasn’t some gentrified Asian-Fusion pho we (she) made. This was some high-quality dish where her ancestors would’ve been proud.

Be jealous.

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The Time I Stole

I was recently asked to tell a time when I stole something.
This is the story –

In my freshman year at UC Berkeley, I lived in a dormitory called Bowles Hall. It looked and felt like the gloomy structure of an exact replica of Hogwarts.

The only difference was the ability to find an amazing woman like Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, or an Angelina Johnson to be walking the halls… because women didn’t exist at Bowles Hall!

Yes.
No women.
No magic.

It was an all-male dormitory with men growing into their prepubescent bodies and their strides of deodorant sticks. It was less of a Harry Potter story and more of a Lord of The Flies type situation.

And on this particular day, like any other day, I found myself vehemently arguing with my roommate, Greg.

Listen, Greg is a great roommate. The only issue is he was (is) a very vocal right-wing conservative. And, to his credit, I can be a boisterous liberal lefty.

I loved President Obama.
He thinks President Obama is one of the worst presidents in American history.

We argue from pro-choice issues all the way to the fundamentals of whether or not systematic racism exists. Our debates get loud – and at the young age of 18… they often got violent.

That day wouldn’t be any different.

Me: FUCK YOU
Greg: FUCK YOUUUUUUUU!

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Private Thoughts – Laid Off

I don’t know.

I’m using this post as more of a place to calm myself. This is where I’ll continue to talk about relationships, my own mental health, car accidents, family matters, and anything that just needs to be said… for me.

It’s what I used to do and it is the one thing I miss doing. I haven’t written just for myself, with no regard of what others thought, in a very long time.

No filter. I’m writing for me today.

I got laid off recently: not fired… laid off.

It hurt.

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Thank You: My Year 2017

I recently wrote this on Facebook. However, I want these words to stay here forever so I’m going to paste the status here. Enjoy –

This is going to be the longest piece I’ve ever written on FB. But I don’t care because these are words I never want to forget.

In the beginning of 2017 I got into a major car accident. The car I was driving barreled into the air and then dropped perpendicular on the freeway: the oncoming cars, the blood dripping down my forehead, blood coming out of my left hand, and the screams on the scene is something I see and hear most nights in my dreams.

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Fade To 4:39am

Fade to 4:39am and this ambiguous structure of words that need to be stretched out, stripped out, and then torn out to extrapolate the pain floating in my head.

Who knew laying in bed since 9pm would make 4:39am so deadly? To be awake, to be energized, but then to be surrounded by inactivity or the inability to be active, is destructive.

It is in 4am – I can’t do anything.

So, I think. Thinking is dangerous.

Dramatically. I’m thinking of her.

I thought I was thinking of her because I wanted to see if there was a way to win her back. I know getting back together would be detrimental to both our happiness right now. But, what I do know is that I have a few images I’m unable to fight back. Images of her.

Here are a few memories I’ll never be able to let go:

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