A Video About Her

This post is in relation to this video:

Due to some situations. The video was deleted.

You can view the update video here:

Maroon 5’s iconic album, Songs About Jane, has over 10 songs that focus on Adam Levine’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend, Jane.

The songs on the albums are classic and the reason why it spoke to so many is that Adam Levine was unafraid and unapologetically authentic to turn his heartache into art. This may not be the best example to why I made a video about my ex-girlfriend, but it’s something I felt I had to do at moment.

I understand the breakup happened so many years ago, November 8th, 2015 to be exact. Therefore, the questions you could have on your mind is… why did you make the video now? Have you moved on?

Here are my answers…

First, I want to state if you’re looking for a poetic, emotionally driven relationship piece then click here. This post is more of a logical technical reason why and how I made The Chainsmoker (breakup) video.

So why did you make the video now? 

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been planning on making some sort of video since the day we broke up. I love telling stories and our breakup is one of those important moments that I will keep with me until the day I die.

I understand the memory isn’t as traumatic or as exciting compared to other life events, However, it’s one of those moments that would drastically change the trajectory of my life for the proceeding years to come: it’s worth telling. The reason why it took me three years to build the courage to make this video is that…

i. I didn’t know how to tell the story. I was having a difficult time connecting how the day after we broke up, The Chainsmokers e-mailed me to do a video with them: how do I structure how breakup equals The Chainsmokers?

I tried simplifying the structure by jumping straight into breakup and then the e-mail. But I felt it left out vulnerability and important exposition that is needed to make the viewer care. Simplifying made me look like I was just an asshole flexing how important I was…

I then tried telling the entire story from how we met to the breakup and as you can imagine, the video was too long and boring. I even tried to create all the content to work in the exact timeline of how events happened, which would make sense on paper, but for a short 8-minute video, it felt scattered.

Here’s the actual timeline of events:

  • In 2015, our relationship was rocky
  • I didn’t have a job and so I was an uber driver
  • I decided to film my car rides (in the hopes to become a YouTuber)
  • I did the first viral carpool karaoke in August, 2015
  • Then the second carpool karaoke in October, 2015
  • We break up Nov 8th. Chainsmokers e-mail me next day
  • Her sister texts “thanks for taking care of her all these years”
  • 2016: the videos Surprising Puppies & All I want for Xmas are uploaded
  • 2017+ life moves on…

As you can see from the aforementioned information, the timeline here is different from the video I uploaded. But, to make the story work (without confusing the audience) I combined all the Uber successes first, then the breakup, and then The Chainsmokers: this format is easier to follow.

This is why when I showed the Puppies clip I said, “and then later I would surprise…” 

Also, no surprise here, it took me three years to make this video because, well, I had a hard time getting over her. It didn’t matter what I did or who I dated, my mind would still be reflecting on our six years together.

To be honest, it took me two and a couple months to get over her. She did something in December of 2017 that helped hammer the nail in the coffin.

ii. I was afraid of what she would think if she watched the video. One of the biggest things I struggled with (when we were together) was the ability to film around her. It wasn’t her fault, it was people around her, and it always gave me anxiety.

But I’m over this fact as I don’t think I put her in a bad light. Also – luckily all of the footage of her recorded for the video had been used in previous videos when we were together.

iii. I was embarrassed to post a breakup video when my life was still in shambles. One of the biggest reasons why our relationship crumbled is because my life – towards the end of our relationship -wasn’t financially stable. It also didn’t help that I was also super negative about my situation.

I felt if I made the video while I still didn’t have my direction planned out, I would look like an ex-boyfriend who was just a bitter douche bag.

Therefore, I needed time to process the lessons I learned from our time together and also time to get my life in order (it’s still not in order, but I’m a better place).

iv. I didn’t post this video until now because I was dealing with an ego issue. When we broke up I always thought that she was judging me from afar. “look at him… he’s a nobody.” I guess I didn’t want her to be right.

But now I don’t mind what she thinks of me because we’re no longer together. I was able to get to this conclusion when I got into a horrific car accident in February of 2017. And, instead of calling her to tell her what happened… I thought “we’re no longer together, this doesn’t concern her.”

Have you moved on?

As I stated above, it took two years and a couple months to get over her. My photographic memory would re-play every single tear, laugh, smile, and the cute little moments we had: the little things are the memories that stay with me…

I don’t know, I feel as if everyone has similar experiences and this is why I wanted to tell my story. Hell, musicians do it all the time.

Thank you for listening.
Some house in California.
8:33pm on a Tuesday.

You can always check out past posts here: click here

Socials: Instagram (@jonathangaurano) & YouTube (DoGoodJonathan)

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